THE SECRET TO LOOKING IMPORTANT

(While Getting Nothing Done)

So, You Want to Be Unproductive

Really, really unproductive.

The kind of unproductive where you’re always “busy,” but can’t point to a single thing of value you’ve actually achieved.

Excellent career choice. 

After all, who doesn’t want to look stressed, run off their feet, and yet somehow have nothing meaningful to show for it?

I’ve wasted more hours than I care to admit on email and distraction—so trust me when I say: I can destroy your productivity with just one tool… email. 

Here’s a step-by-step formula for how to sabotage your focus and effectiveness in four simple moves:

1) Use notifications for everything

Make sure you get a notification for every single email.

When a message comes in, let it trigger a sound, a desktop alert, and a buzz on your watch or phone.

The beauty of this strategy is that you don’t need to do anything—email is already programmed to overwhelm you with alerts out of the box.

But don’t stop there.

Keep factory settings for all your apps—Teams, Slack, social media, WhatsApp, games, lifestyle apps—everything.

And to really seal the deal, enable badges and vibrations.

Most importantly, sync alerts across every device: phone, laptop, tablet, smartwatch. If your fridge or TV can bing, even better.

Fill your day with pings and buzzes. It’s the best way to stay unfocused, reactive, and show others you’re really, really important.

2) Keep email open all the time on a second screen

This one’s brilliant.

Set up a second screen. If possible, invest in three. That way you can always see your emails and instant messages in real time.

Keep email on the right, Teams or Slack on the left, and a spreadsheet or Word doc in the middle to make it look like you’re doing actual work.

The trick is to glance sideways every few minutes to check what’s new.

And keep dozens of tabs open.

It looks productive—but it’s not.

This multiple-screen setup guarantees dopamine spikes and cortisol surges while you practice constant context switching. Perfect training for the truly unproductive worker.

3) Let your inbox set your priorities

This is a pro move.

When you arrive at work, grab a coffee, open your laptop, and immediately open your inbox.

Don’t think. Don’t plan. Just let your inbox dictate your day.

That way, you’re guided by whatever urgent (or not-so-urgent) message lands first.

Even better, chip away at small emails and chat messages before tackling anything important. Meetings will nicely fill in the gaps, and of course, check your inbox as soon as they’re over.

And here’s a bonus: check your email during meetings too. It’s a foolproof way to look busy.

Once you master this, you’ll never run out of things to do. There will always be another email—at work, at home, wherever you are.

4) Build a hyper-complex filing system

This one takes patience, but it’s worth it.

Start with a single folder—say “Board Meetings.”

Then, whenever an email arrives that doesn’t fit, create a new folder.

Every week, add more folders. Then sub-folders. Then sub-sub folders.

Before long, you’ll have a labyrinth.

To add extra flair, colour-code everything and sprinkle in flags. Complexity is king.

Finally, when the system becomes too messy to manage, abandon it. Let thousands of emails pile up in your inbox alongside your maze of folders.

The result? An illusion of organisation that keeps you unfocused, reactive, and (to others) looking extremely important.

Clearly Ridiculous

Of course, this is absurd. Please don’t do any of it.

If you do, that’s exactly why I created Email Ninja®—Australia’s #1 inbox zero course to help you reclaim your inbox and your focus.

Here’s the truth: if you simply do the opposite of the steps above, you’ll already be moving towards a healthier, calmer, more productive work life.

And if you want practical help, sign up for my free Email Ninja® mini-course, designed to actually help you tame your inbox.

That said, if unproductivity is your goal, it’s not complicated.

Just:

•  Turn up to work.
•  Open your inbox immediately.
•  Keep it open all day on a second screen.
•  Follow alerts as they come in.
•  Build an over-engineered folder system.

And whatever you do…

Never, ever make space.

Good luck.